What is attachment parenting?

I just thought I would make a post about what attachment parenting is (known as AP).  I think it is often misunderstood by those who have never heard of it and many are misinformed about it.  AP is not permissive parenting.  In a nutshell, it's basically being responsive to your baby's needs and setting loving, reasonable limits in a predictable setting.  It's based on non-coercive, respectful, and loving relationships.  For many people, this style of parenting is natural and instinctual.  This is what drew me to this style of parenting, the fact that it just seemed right.  You can find out more info here, from Attachment Parenting International: 8 Principles of Attachment Parenting.  

AP is not a list of rules, but there are several behaviours associated with this style of parenting.  Dr. Sears coined the term "Attachment Parenting" and he came up with the "7 Bs."  These are tools that can help parents foster their attachment with their babies.  Just because you don't do one or some of these things doesn't mean you are not an attachment parent.  AP is a frame of mind, not a checklist.  Here are the 7 tools:

1. Birth bonding
2. Breastfeeding
3. Babywearing
4. Bedding Close to Baby
5. Belief in the Language Value of Your Baby’s Cry
6. Beware of Baby Trainers
7. Balance

I feel that an AP parent is defined by how she interacts with her child.  It involves positive discipline (more on discipline in a future post) and responding with sensitivity.  Children are humans too and they deserve to learn what compassion is.  I believe that children behave as well as they are treated.  Some other styles of parenting promote pushing independence from an extremely young age (newborns!).  This tends to sever the deep attachment a child needs to feel with his or her parents; a connection that forms the foundaiton of trust and attachment for the rest of his or her life.

"An AP parent is one who wholeheartedly believes that children are inherently good and that by fostering an atmosphere of complete trust and intimacy, a bond is created that provides those children with the foundation and security to become their best selves".  - Diana West, IBCLC in There is No Doctrine for Attachment Parenting: Being AP is a Frame of Mind

Some people incorrectly suggest that not following attachment parenting results in attachment disorders. That is not the case. I believe that people following mainstream parenting trends (e.g. punishment, sleep training, too much stroller use, etc.) may have a more difficult time bonding with their children than those following attachment parenting, but it doesn’t mean that it is not possible to bond with your child as a mainstream parent and it certainly doesn’t mean that mainstream parenting leads to attachment disorders.


Some books that I have found very useful are:
The Baby Book by Sears (a must have for every new parent.  A great book to have on hand to reference things as they come up)
Connection Parenting by Pam Leo (this is a good book on interaction with your child)
Attached at the Heart by Barbara Nicholson (this is more of an overview of AP, great if you are new to this style of parenting)
The Aware Baby by Aletha Solter (great read, focuses on the importance of crying to heal)
The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland
The Successful Child by Sears